These are the things I was conditioned to believe about being a woman from my family of origin, my faith tradition, and my culture.
Over there where I'm perfect and beautiful and sure and people know who I am feels exhausting. And yet so much of me seems to grasp for it, until I stop thinking and yearning for a there and love the soft, warm, roundness of here with all its imperfections and anonymity.
The honest reality is that asking big questions is scary. The ground feels a little less certain than it once did. You have a sense that if you ask this one, whatever the answer, there are likely a bucket load more that will tumble out. It is the start of the unravelling, you can sense it, and even the brave amongst us know that unravelling a whole life, a whole faith, a whole identity, a whole relationship, a whole way of being in the world IS NOT EASY.
It is the story of a 40-something who is finally learning to love herself enough to go through the process of becoming and unbecoming. I have spent a long time trying to become - as a mum and wife, as a daughter, a Christian, in my work as a teacher, a coach, a writer. I tried to become someone good enough, impactful enough, fancy and established enough... I have sought and sought to be enough for so so long.