In these moments, sitting down for a while at the side of your metaphorical unnamed dirt track with a friend, is like a cold drink of water on a hot day
These are the things I was conditioned to believe about being a woman from my family of origin, my faith tradition, and my culture.
To any of you in a locked room, stuck in there for fear of what is on the other side. I hope you will find a voice of love and peace and life magically pop up in that room, and say hello. Whatever form that takes, I should simply say 'hello' back and take it from there.
Call it God or don't. Point and say 'that' when you see it and recognise it. Use descriptions and characteristics. Use the word from the place or tradition you're from. Sure - honestly, I think we all know what we're talking about here.
The honest reality is that asking big questions is scary. The ground feels a little less certain than it once did. You have a sense that if you ask this one, whatever the answer, there are likely a bucket load more that will tumble out. It is the start of the unravelling, you can sense it, and even the brave amongst us know that unravelling a whole life, a whole faith, a whole identity, a whole relationship, a whole way of being in the world IS NOT EASY.
It is the story of a 40-something who is finally learning to love herself enough to go through the process of becoming and unbecoming. I have spent a long time trying to become - as a mum and wife, as a daughter, a Christian, in my work as a teacher, a coach, a writer. I tried to become someone good enough, impactful enough, fancy and established enough... I have sought and sought to be enough for so so long.