Life is not about success or failure, but about experience.
If you live your life based on whether the end result wins or loses, you miss out on the journey, the middle, the point.
I cannot even tell you how much of my life I missed out on experiencing because my eyes were fixed on a point ‘out there’, whilst experience was actually happening at my feet. I was looking ‘out there’ because I had believed a message that is culturally stamped into our DNA that results are key. But it’s a lie – they are not. Experiencing every precious, ugly, wonderful, heart-breaking, joy-filled moment is the point.
And yet, there’s something real and true about having a thing to aim for. When you have a thing to aim for it gives you clarity and confidence in what you give your ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ to. If you don’t have this, you will likely agree to bunch of things that should have been a ‘no’ and miss out on a tonne of things that should have been a ‘yes’.
This past decade I stripped off a lot of the external ‘wins’ that I had fixed my eyes on, that seemed to be very driven by cultural success factors and ego polishing. But the important step in my refoming process was finding my North Stars.
A long time ago, before satnav and google maps, people figured out where they were going from the North Star. It is the brightest star in the sky and, because of where it is positioned, is the only star that doesn’t appear to move as the earth rotates. It is ‘fixed’ and it is bright.
The difference between cultural success drivers and a North Star is that when you reach it, you actually feel like you came home. And honestly, I think we’re all just trying to find our way home.
So how do you find your North Star? That, my loves, is the billion dollar question.
Well, I think we first of all find sign posts that lead us to our own person North Star. I’m not sure I’ve actually named my North Star completely. I think I have, then I realise what I saw as ‘the thing’ was a stop on the way to the thing – a sign post leading me closer and closer.
In the past years some of the signposts have been
truth, freedom, autonomy, joy, passion, light and boundary crossing.
At the moment my North Star is connected to recovering my true self, coming home. It feels like the thing, although if it’s another signpost that works for me too.
One way of finding your way towards your North Star is having a word of the year. There are a tonne of ways to do this and if you google it, you’ll find different processes that get you there. I tend to spend December meditating and praying and working on it through my connection to Spirit and a good coach (both, very helpful ;))
So my aim for this year, which becomes the decision making force in every tiny and giant decision, is to come home. The way for me to do this is via a mantra I felt come to me in a conversation with a coach friend – boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty.
This is my True North. Not money or success or career targets or relationship goals. I will pass everything through a filter – boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty.
I will repeat it to myself over and over: boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty. boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty. boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty. boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty. boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty. boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty.
If I let this guide me, my soul knows already that it will lead me home.
Boldness, bravery, kindness, honesty. I am coming home.